What Would You Risk In Order to Find Love?

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart." ~Jeremiah 24:7 NIV

On a warm Fall afternoon, the solace of the coast beckoned my spirit. My car instinctively headed north, winding its way up towards the coastline of NH. I strolled along the shoreline; my eyes scanning the thousands of rocks that stretched before me...searching for a heart rock.

Lounging on the rocky shores of Rye Beach (a place of refuge during the storms of life), I shielded my eyes from the glare of the mid-day sun. The sunlight danced on the water; diamond dust sprinkled the waters creating a magical display. The tide gently swept across the shore, caressing the changing and shifting sands - an intimate gesture that seemed to capture the simplest and purest form of love. After years of disappointments, my heart seemed closed to the idea of love.

A single question occupied my mind, "What would you risk to find love...to abandon your heart into the awaiting arms of love?" How does one open one's heart to love again? Pondering the thought, I noticed a heart rock submerged in the sand. Leaning forward, my arm fell slightly short of its grasp. A wave crested and washed over the shore sending me stumbling backwards nearly escaping a soggy mishap. Would I venture into the tumultuous waters to risk capturing this latest discovery for my collection? Was it worth the risk? Would it satisfy me if I discovered upon closer inspection that it wasn't the 'one' that I expected, hoped for or desired? What then? Would I throw it back into the waters -- defeated and determined to abandon all hope of ever finding another one?

God's gentle whisper spoke to my reticent heart..."You will never find love standing at the shores of life, afraid to risk getting wet."

RISK. Just the thought of this word caused a spasm in my stomach; fear gripped me. Would I risk heartache again? Would I risk the pain of opening up to love, only to be hurt by life's disappointments, altered plans and unrequited love?

Opening my heart again would surely cause pain, wouldn't it? On the other hand, would I risk missing this opportunity before me...only to add this moment to the long list of 'lost opportunities'?

Before I could finish the thought, my body lunged towards the rock. Emerging from the depths of the sea, my arm (now soaked) held tight this sacred find. A heart rock, slightly imperfect (not nearly the kind I anticipated or hoped for when I first set eyes on it) lay heavy in my palm. At that moment, the tide swept up and over my sneakers soaking them through to my socks.

Sometimes in life, you have to take the risk. The first steps (usually the most difficult) sometimes result in getting a little wet, a little bruised, and a little heartbroken. Other times, you're totally submerged in a swirling sea of joy bursting from this new experience of an awakening heart.

As I continued my walk, I realized that one simple action (a risk) opened a small window of my heart. It was just enough to desire more risk...to continue to seek love whatever the cost. Disappointment, pain, heartache and loss cannot be avoided in life. But, always there is greater love...a deeper love...a more pure form of love to be found. And so...as the day's journey neared it's close, there amidst the rocky shores of life, I found an even greater love -
the love of myself (with all my imperfections), the love of life, and the love of God.

Would I seek God will all my heart? Would I allow God's love to reawaken my heart?

Love is patient, love is kind, love can be found...but you must be willing to take the 'risk' in order to discover it.

~ Writings from the Heart-Rock Collective

Answered Prayers

O Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you, turn your ear to my cry. Psalm 88:1-2

How often have you thought, "Does God really hear me when I pray? Does He truly care about my deepest needs and desires?". The bible instructs us to 'pray without ceasing' — 1 Thessalonians 5:17.; to 'ask, seek and knock' Matthew 7:7-8, but how do we handle the silence, the continued longing and the closed doors?

A friend boldly stated that "God wasn't helping her: that He hadn't done anything for her." Can that really be true? He's never offered help?

So many times, our prayers to God rise up with all sincerity and humility, yet underneath we often have expectations on how we want the prayers to be answered. We offer up a 'spec' sheet with our prayer - indicating the timing and delivery method.

When silence resounds, we question...we doubt...we stomp our feet - kicking and screaming like a two year in the midst of a full-blown temper tantrum.

I've often prayed for 'answers' to questions in my life - struggles with emotional pain, physical/health challenges and difficult relationships with friends and family. Some of these have been answered, over time; others still remain unanswered.

Earlier this summer, I found myself wrenched with deep emotional pain over a long-standing struggle. I questioned my faith in God - doubting His love for me. In my own efforts to get God's attention (demanding an immediate response), I found myself deeper embedded in the pain. Broken and weary from the fight, I cried out to God - begging for an answer.

The next day, my cell phone indicated an awaiting message. A Christian friend had left a message (a daily devotional reading) on my machine that she felt moved by the Spirit to read. This simple, yet powerful, act offered me a renewed sense of hope and trust in God. Not the resolution to my problem, but the answer I needed in that moment. God's response clearly demonstrated His Love for me; He met my deepest need via a distant 'messenger'.

Here's the message that she left:

I need only to look and see that all things happen in their own time. The resolution of each problem has it's own timetable. No amount of wishing, wringing of hands or raging will effect a change.

"Acceptance is the simple act of going through what is presently facing me, be it pain, anger, despair, hopelessness or their opposites. When life as it really is becomes a fact that I accept as naturally as I breathe, events lose their
power to throw me off balance or disturb the basic rhythm of my life."
~ From the book For Today (a daily devotional)

(Side note: My friend lives out-of-state; we hadn't spoken or seen each other in months. Our relationship could best be described as 'casual acquaintances' - suffice to say, she had no knowledge of my struggles at that point in my life).

Nothing on Earth Will Satisfy Me

Walking in the woods today, I felt as I have so many times on my solitary walks - a sense of longing and hunger for God. Thoughts swirled in mind...silence is what I truly desired.

So much of life is wasted on thoughts that deplete, defeat and leave one feeling empty and hungry for something more substantial, life giving and satisfying.

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. ~John 6:35 NIV

Nothing in this world (be it a person, place or thing) can fill that space within that craves love - that hungers for peace and contentment. It's a place that only God's love can fill, to truly satisfy. His love is overflowing, abundant and poured out, if we will only receive it. But...sometimes the heart (the will) is unable to receive this love. The walls of bitterness and resentment hedge us in; at other times, our heart have turned to stone - full of fear, broken-hearted over life - unable to feel, to breathe, to open to the joy and pain of life.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. ~ Ezekiel 36:26-27 (NIV)

When I read this scripture, 'heart' rocks came to mind which remind me (tangible evidence for me) that God's love is available, everpresent and patiently awaiting my invitation to receive it. When I look for it (in people, places, and things) I cannot find it. When I let go and let God bring me what I need (in His time), I am filled to overflowing.

To seek God first. To surrender your heart. To be content only in Him.

I prayed that I might find a heart rock that would resemble the growing and expanding heart of Christ within me.

I found a large rock resembling a heart, though it wasn't quite perfect. It didn't express the perfect love of Christ that I longed for. I continued on my walk - determined to not settle for less than perfection.

Just as I released a prayer from my heart...I looked down at the trail before me. A perfect heart-shaped rock lay patiently in the earth, awaiting my notice. It was three dimensional - expansive and perfectly shaped on both sides. Another rock for my growing collection.

Christ's love is perfect. Why do I seek love from other sources which do not fill me? They only drain me of my hope and dreams. I'm left still longing - hungry and demanding to be satiated.

God can fill that longing, but first, I must I surrender and admit my weakness and brokeness. I surrender into God's powerful loving hands, my life and will to mold and shape as He so desires for his purposes.

The transformation of heart begins...

© 2007 Kimberly Nyce ~ Writings from the Heart Rock Collective

Heartrock (pictured above) discovered while meditating by a brook behind the Wilson House in East Dorset, VT. 1993

The Delicate Balance

There is a time for hanging on,
And a time for letting go
It’s a delicate balance as we cycle through life.

Frozen in time, we cling precariously
To the safe security of all that we know.
Challenges arise, as the winter wind’s harsh call
Threatens to shake us from our bough.

We cling more tightly, fearing we may plunge
Into the shadowy unexplored depths within.

And Nature cycles round again…
The warm gentle breath of spring
Melts the frozen places of our hearts.

Allowing space for our souls to sing,
We dare to dream of a brand new start.

We begin to trust this divine plan.
Our hands begin to open their tight grasp;
Our spirit softly sings…
It’s time. It's time…Let Go!

Tears sliding gently down,
Grieving the past as we let go,
We shed our icy coats of fear
And merge completely into life’s eternal flow.

We have a place in this life,
Each contributing our best to the greater whole.

It’s a delicate balance…these cycles of life,
Between hanging on and letting go.

© 1997 Photograph taken at Spot Pond in Arlington, MA

(Written for my Dad on Father's Day)

Revelation: Shedding the layers

"Why do we hide beneath so many layers of "self"? What's the fear that drives us to wrap ourselves in layer upon layer of protection? What if the world saw beneath the lies, the masks, the false self that we project into the world. Would it be too painful to allow someone so close as to to witness the vulnerable, raw reality of our humanity?


Photograph of birch tree taken at Habitat Education Center and Wildlife Sanctuary, Belmont, MA.

Sometimes You Have to Take A Leap of Faith

I ventured out to Great Meadows Wildlife Refuge in Concord for a walk to celebrate the first day of Fall. A lingering sadness settled on my heart as I thought of the summer, with it's fullness of life, now slowly fading like the setting sun into the darkness of the earth.

As I wandered down the well-worn path, my thoughts trailed off.... A loud rustling in the nearby marsh grass startled me. A greenish brown blur whizzed in front of me. My eyes flashed to the wonder and awe of a leopard frog that landed smack in center of my path. My knees buckled beneath me as I felt the hard earth beneath my knees.

I sat motionless...watching...wondering. Every living creature is designed and made uniquely to suit its unique environment and purpose. This particular frog -- with it's trademark brown spots and lime green accent -- faced west, scanning the nearby Concord River; perhaps anticipating a relaxing swim or scrumptious meal awaiting him. The frog poised and ready to jump sat only a long arm's reach away. Observing him, I wondered if there were some universal understanding between frogs and humans. Then more philosophical questions intruded... "Does it know that I mean no harm...that I send only loving thoughts?" I whispered a faint greeting in nearly inaudible tones...hoping for connection...seemingly impossible, so I thought.

The leopard frog turned and took a purposeful hop towards me...then two then three...as though determined to confront this strange creature observing him. He sat in front of me resting on his haunches with wide eyes locked into mine. Minutes passed...then the absurdity of the moment took over as I thought, "Could this be my frog prince - finally after decades of waiting - come to sweep me off my feet?" No, I thought to myself, I would not kiss this green and brown speckled frog! Absolutely not!

Hmmnn...I wondered, why then was he staring at me so intensely? Well...maybe I would reconsider. My head twitched slightly as I pondered the thought. In that split second, the frog, startled by my sudden movement, leapt away from me in a single bound. Just my luck...always scaring them off!

As I watched his trajectory into the nearby brush, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a rock pressed into the dirt-laden trial. It was a heart-shaped rock. Small - slightly broken on one lobe - but clearly it qualified as a heart rock. My mind reached back to the beginning of my walk, as I remembered the sadness and emptiness weighing heavy on my heart. Always searching for heart rocks wherever I go, this excursion was no different. I'd thought I might find a heart rock. Heart Rocks have always represented a simple, yet, powerful statement and touchstone for me that love is everywhere. I'd felt lonely and empty all day...the walk in the meadows allowed me to cry out to God for his mercy, comfort and love. He answered in sweet reply through the language of a frog's leap of faith toward me, possibly in order to bring me the message that "love is patient..." but we need to take that Leap of Faith...that it will be found, in places and times not always of our choosing.

© 2007 ~ Writings from the Heart-Rock Collective

Intimate Embrace

© 1997 Kimberly Nyce

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. ~ Alice Walker

Photograph of European Beech trees taken at Mount Auburn Cemetary, Cambridge, MA.

Angel in the Sand

© 1997 Kimberly Nyce

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.
~ Michelangelo

Photograph taken at Cranes Beach, Ipswich, MA.

Hope

©1998 Kimberly Nyce

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words, and never stops at all.
~Emily Dickinson

Photograph taken at Mount Auburn Cemetary, 1998.

In His Presence

©1998 Kimberly Nyce

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJ)


Photograph taken at Crane's Beach, Ipswich, MA along the waterline of the receding tide.

Finding Peace Amidst the Chaos of Life

©2002 Christopher Nyce

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Golden Radiance

© 1998 Kimberly Nyce

Follow the spark of Divine Creativity
that flows deeply within your soul.
Allow its whispers to ignite your hopes, dreams and desires into a blazing passion for life.

Walk on the edge of existence

Trust your inward urgings ­- the eternal ancient longings
That sing to you in your dreams.
Leap with all of your heart
into the arms of the unknown
 
Feel the embrace of the universe as it carries you toward greater heights and new visions.

Photograph taken during wintertime at Great Meadows Wildlife Refuge, Concord, MA

Let Your Light Shine!

©2002 Kimberly Nyce

Callings...
Let Your Light Shine...Let Your Light Shine Brightly!
Hear the sound of God's voice calling you forth from the bud

Feel the stirring, the flow of life pulsing;
The rhythms of life streaming through your veins
Light and love from God flowing freely,
Blending in with the Blood of Existence

Heed the call, softly.
Softly, like a small flicker of flame catching the wind
Riding air streams

Beams of light beckoning -- little lamps shining in unison
Choirs of bells resounding in flashes, offering light songs of praise
A yearning deep within emerges to express a song of delight.
"Here I am! - See me, hear my voice rise up into the winds of eternity."

Child's Play: A Field of Dreams

Memories of childhood flashed through my mind in random vignettes, tugging at me like a small child. These separate threads of dark and light woven together provided a richness and beauty to my life.

Lying sprawled on my back, breathless after a race with the wind, my brown-eyes wide with wonder peered upwards into the sky. Clothed in an azure blue suit, unbuttoned to the waist, the sky revealed its vast expanse as my mind floated on the back of a giant white elephant.

My incessant curiosity as a child to explore life and nature contributed to the spontaneous child-like wonder that is so much a part of my life today.

Growing up, my family lived in Kentucky, well known for its hearty bluegrass, although I'm not quite sure I ever saw blue grass unless I was standing on my head. 

The locals referred to our town as E-town, short for Elizabethtown. We occupied a one-story redbrick ranch on the corner of Clifford Drive, a cul-de-sac- a fancy word for a loop with no end. A wild overgrown field bordered the back edge of our yard. It was a field of dreams for a child's imagination.

The rays of sunlight caught on a spider's silken threads reveal the stories woven by my child's imagination.

Day or night, captivated by life's mystery, I would venture into the unknown -- my curiosity in hand and an open mind rich with possibilities. I scrutinized every inch of life from the endless sky to the tender new blades of grass. 

Crouched low on my haunches, my breath held tight and little pink lips pursed, I courageously reached for my next adventure. Upturned rocks sent legions of potato bugs, in their gray armored uniforms, scurrying in confusion. A grin stretched from ear to ear as peels of delights escaped my lips in a steady stream.

Racing through a sea of golden meadow, I chased butterflies in flight and tried to catch dandelions bursting with their whispers of delight.

Stopping to worship nature's mysteries...I knelt before the milkweed pods - small stone churches finely built with rough-bouldered walls. White cream overflowed as they burst with promise at the seams. All hope was lost, though, if opened too soon, as the seeds of promise still clung (wet with fear) to the core.A few weeks later, weathered by the heat of sun­­, the doors flew open as a procession of angels, clothed in white silk robes, ascended skyward, with their tiny brown-covered prayer books clasped in hand. In the stillness of this wondrous sight, their whispering voices sang the praise and glory of a new life.

Summer smelled of hot grass steaming in the midday sun -- a well-seasoned kettle feast brimming with life. Sunlit-drenched fields of wild flowers and Brown-eyed Susans smiled gracefully as they swayed to the rhythms of the gentle winds.

Brown and orange 'wooly bears' lumbered across knotted twigs and crisp leaves. Soon they were to lay out their white gauze sheets and snuggle into sleep dreaming of winged flight.

As dusk spread its deep velvet blanket quietly over the fields, the hushed stillness of the passing day gave way to the night. Small fluorescent lanterns blinked out Morse code as fireflies signaled to far off friends. 

They hovered over the land, mini helicopters suspended in flight. It was a successful night when we arrived home victory in hand, with tightly sealed mason jars glowing with tails of light.

The high-stepping crickets, too quick to catch, dashed off to their black-tie affairs. The high steady hum of cicadas signaled the finale of summer's symphony.

The years pass and memories fade in and out like shadows filtered through stands of tall pine. Released from the chrysalis, I've outgrown my childish ways, now transformed into joyous flight.

Original: October 2001